Flow
A short write for today…
Whenever I create or perform at my best, it feels like I’m in a state of flow—a state where my mind and body are so comfortable that I don’t have to think too hard to achieve the desired outcome.
But sometimes, I feel distant from that state. Life happens, and instead of being in flow, I find myself in a hole. I try to focus on feeling my emotions when I enter this state—a state where the best word to describe it is loneliness. When I feel stuck, not in flow, I fall into loneliness. I would say feeling alone is one of the worst feelings I’ve experienced. Not only is it painful, but it’s also dangerous. When I feel alone, I catch myself doing things that don’t feel like me.
Sometimes, I try new things, hoping they will bring me closer to the flow state. But instead, they often drag me further away.
I’m no doctor or therapist, but I’ve been trying to be more present with my emotions lately, and I think I understand it all a little better. Today, I fell into that hole of loneliness again. It was horrible. I’m facing a lot of life changes, and that definitely puts me more at risk for these feelings. I caught myself trying so hard to pull myself out, only to end up doing things that don’t usually make me happy.
Now, I’m sitting back and trying to understand these feelings. When I feel alone, I always want to leave and go somewhere new. Is that because these feelings are so deep? It feels like I’m searching for an escape.
But what if, instead of running, I just sit with this feeling the way I sit with happiness? Of course, you should never, EVER let negative emotions consume you, but you can’t ignore them either. Every time I try to just "get over" these feelings by pushing them away, I feel like I’m putting myself in a dangerous place.
What if loneliness is a part of the flow state? After all, we’re all human. Maybe it’s not something to escape from, but something to accept. What I’m learning is that, no matter how you feel—whether it’s joy, sadness, or anything in between—you might need to adjust. But sometimes, you just need to breathe. Let yourself flow.