A Small Start

There is so much from my freshman year of college I could recap and so many lessons I have learned that I would love to share. But I do not feel a need to explain past deep thoughts I have felt. If these ideas resurrect, I may write about them; I used to think I must record and publish every thought I have, and that stressed me out. Instead, I have placed my head and soul so in the moment to where I just enjoy writing and recording how I feel and think, I especially love writing about realizations I have throughout my life. Today I want to start this blog by writing about one of the biggest realizations I have had this year… 

This year, going into my freshman year of college I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I mean I had options but literally zero plan, people were more worried about my future than I was about my own. Now I do not mean I was not worried in a lazy way, but I just was not ready to take the average step that most people take out of high school and that is attending college. I have always been in a very free spirit which is why out of high school my main consideration was to travel in my first year or complete a work abroad program. I went all in with this plan, and I think I did this because I felt so much pressure by others to do something. My senior summer was the most confusing time of my life. But I would be lying and be very dramatic if I sat here and wrote about how stressed I was and how terrible having no plan is. I genuinely believe that if I had not forced outside pressure onto myself, I would still be where I am today. Of course, people have guided me in a positive way and provided opportunities for me, but I understand I write my future in the end. I believe everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for everyone and we must trust in him more than anything, but I also believe stress kills and I do not quite know if I even believe stress can sometimes be healthy. I do not think stress should be associated with passion or passion should be associated with pressure. I think it is so crucial we learn to control our minds and tell ourselves to be patient and to understand that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. This is the beauty of life in my opinion. So now think, why would we stress the beauty of life?  

Anyways… 

I ended my senior summer with no plan. There were so many different directions I could have gone, I always wanted to play college sports, wanted to go to school far away, wanted to travel the world, wanted to be a marine biologist, wanted to be a singer, actress, professional athlete, public speaker, zoologist, business owner, politician, I wanted to be everything. Obviously, all these things took time to accomplish (and money lol) but I began to most importantly learn I am a very passionate person. I got a God sent message from a tech college coach a week or two before the year started to join my local tech college and play sports there. Long story short… I took the opportunity because why not! I just knew I had to I felt it. This decision has taught me so much I wish I could explain it all, and I will do my best to share the most important aspects of this decision. When I first started the school year, I hit a cement wall… what was I doing, this was all so sudden. But once again, no stress in the game. I told myself you know what, if I physically do not know what I am going to do with my life it is time to set mental goals. I cannot even explain to you how much this strategy has impacted my life. I gave myself one goal and said no matter where I end up by the end of this year, I just want to really grasp the idea of patience. This is no joke, and I cannot believe how being conscious about something like this for a year has slowed down my life, kept me present in the moment, and guided me to where God knows I belong. I do this is everything I do now, I set a mental goal and let the physical accomplishments and discoveries stem from my mental goals. THIS WAS LIFE CHANGING!!!!!!  

What I was getting at to write about today was how I have begun to find spots in my life for everything I love. I have found something I want to dedicate my life to, I have found my career path and have begun to mentally build it. I learned recently how important it is to be conscious even without action and do not see this as a common idea today. Sometimes people feel as if they must produce to improve. We are so eager to create, create, and create and we often stop the natural flow of creativity. I now am aware of how creative my mind is and that I have the complex brain of an artist. I can confidently say that now, but it took me awhile to discover that. I suffer with a little anxiety, but I used to get my creative mind confusion mixed up with anxiety. Now that I am aware of my mind and can control my thoughts way better than before I have found more peace in my future, my creative process, and in life in general. I realized just because I am so very passionate about certain things does not mean they have to all be my life calling and career. To me, my career is so important to me it must be something I would kill to do and learn about every day, and I have found this path. I think I have learned the difference and separation between love and passion… obviously there are sparkles of both in each other but there are levels to it. For example, nature raised me. I thought I was going to be the next Jane Goodall and as I got older, I felt as if I forced myself to want to become something in the animal and nature field. I will love nature until I die and after I die, and I want to always be surrounded by it forever. But I have realized that is not my career path, maybe it will make guest appearances in my career, but I now know I appreciate it more than I am passionate for it. I hope this makes sense. I think the overall message of this is to focus on your mind do not let in the box mindsets make you think things have to be the way they always have been… especially your thoughts and emotions. Cut out the noise and get in touch with YOU, no one else. So much love, and zero stress always.